


That Ol' "Punched In The Gut" Feeling

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Canon Related, Established Relationship, I honestly dont' know how to tag this, I mean Gordon talks a lot in this but that's still a thing, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Reunions, Romance, Selectively Mute Character, its in the past though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 07:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30051861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: And, fuck, it’s familiar, it is, but in the way that everything is familiar now, like it’s something from a recurring dream rather than something as simple of Gordon wrapping his arms around his waist, which he used to do every morning while Barney was getting ready and Gordon didn’t want to be awake yet.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	That Ol' "Punched In The Gut" Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so, um,,,,, puts fingers together and looks at the ground,,,,,,, I've been getting further along in the Half Life playthrough I've been watching, but I absolutely had to stop and rewrite this scene while it was still semi fresh in my mind. This is sappy and gay and also a little sad, but I hope you enjoy it!

Barney feels like he’s been punched in the gut, the feelings of nausea and breathlessness taking up almost the entirety of his being. He’s stalking down the hallway towards the… he doesn’t even remember their official name, he just calls them beating rooms, because that’s all they are really, but he’s making his way to the one that’s been designated as his today, someone following behind him. He always feels a little sick when he has to bring someone down here, but this… this is a whole different level. 

He opens the door and ushers the man that was following him inside, and his heart clenches at the terrified face he makes at the blood all over the floor. A different Civil Protections member is waiting, and Barney knows that sending them away will be dangerous, because they were positioned with him to make sure that he’s actually doing his job since they’ve been suspicious of him lately, but he sends them out anyway. He’s surprised that they actually go, but only for a moment before he realizes that they’d probably gone to get someone who ranks higher than either of them. He’ll have to be fast. He puts up a show of getting rid of the cameras, but that will only make them more suspicious too, but he really can’t afford for anyone to see what’s about to happen.

Because Gordon Freeman is standing behind him, and Barney’s not sure what, exactly, is about to happen, but he knows that the Combine won’t like it. He’s been wracking his mind for what to say from the moment he saw Gordon getting off the train, and he still hasn’t figured it out, but he has to say _something_. So, he says the first thing that comes to mind as he pulls his helmet off.

“Now… about that beer I owe ya.”

It’s dumb, and stupid, and a million other similar words that Barney will think of later when he isn’t panicking slightly, but it’s all he’s got. Gordon’s just staring at him, and Barney realizes that he might not recognize him. It has been twenty years since anyone had even heard from Gordon, and Barney definitely hasn’t aged well. “It’s me, Gordon. Barney, from Black Mesa,” he says, and he wishes his voice was stronger, but he just sounds desperate in a way he hasn’t in years.

Gordon just keeps staring at him, and he’s glad he specified from Black Mesa because it looks like Gordon isn’t recognizing anything about what’s happening. Barney expects him to be confused, sure, but this is… a whole different level. Barney faintly remembers Kleiner saying something about the morphine levels the original HEV suits had and how they were _drastically_ too high, but it’s been twenty years, there’s no way Gordon’s still high from however much morphine got pumped into him in the Black Mesa incident. 

The two of them stand in silence for a moment, and that’s not _new_ , per se, but it is completely awful this time. Barney wonders how much Gordon say the other Civil Protection officers do and he starts rambling about how he’s undercover, how he’s _behind_ on his beating quota, because he is, and he needs Gordon to know that he’s been doing everything he possibly can to be good to these people, but Gordon is just… staring at him, and it’s honestly starting to terrify him. But he’s got a job to do, two if you count the fact that he does have to get back out into the fray in a bit, so he calls Kleiner like he needs to.

They talk, Gordon doesn’t, and that’s not new either, but just like everything else, it feels _awful_. Kleiner mentions Alyx and Barney wonders if Gordon remembers her, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on the thought before Kleiner is hanging up. Barney turns around to give Gordon some sort of directions to get to Kleiner’s lab, but he almost bumps into him. He must’ve come up behind Barney at some point, and Barney doesn’t know if he missed his footsteps because of the blood rushing in his ears or because Gordon’s always been able to be quiet when he wants to be.

Gordon’s practically boxing him in against the communicator, but they need to get him out of here, so Barney just… keeps going. “Okay, Gordon, you’re gonna have to-”

“You look different,” Gordon says, and his voice is quiet and hoarse and it sounds awful, just like everything else, but it makes Barney want to collapse with relief.

“Um, yeah, twenty years does that to ya,” Barney replies, and he tries to push past Gordon, who really is boxing him in now, so they can get him out of here, but Gordon doesn’t budge.

“Twenty years?” He asks.

“Y-Yeah, Gordon, that’s how long you’ve been gone,” Barney says. Gordon looks absolutely bewildered. He takes a step back in shock, and it’s enough room for Barney to duck under his arm. “You’re gonna have to get to Kleiner’s lab on your own,” Barney says, finishing his train of thought from earlier. “Just get out to the plaza, there’s a way back here.” He turns to unlock the door that leads into the back room (and he doesn’t even want to think about the nickname he’s had to give this one). “You’ll have to stack some stuff to get to a window, but…” He trails off as a familiar weight settles around his waist. And, fuck, it’s familiar, it is, but in the way that everything is familiar now, like it’s something from a recurring dream rather than something as simple of Gordon wrapping his arms around his waist, which he used to do every morning while Barney was getting ready and Gordon didn’t want to be awake yet.

“I’ve been gone twenty years?” Gordon whispers, and Barney thinks he might actually collapse this time.

“Y-Yeah, Gordon,” he says. “U-Um… none of us knew what happened to you, but we knew you’d be back. See, there’s this, um…” Barney didn’t know you could both relax and tense up at the same time, but that’s exactly what he does when Gordon kisses his cheek, and he catches the side of his mouth ever so slightly and Barney thinks he might _cry_. “We don’t have time right now, doc,” he protests, but he doesn’t sound very convincing.

“I’m sorry,” Gordon whispers. “I don’t know where I’ve been, or what’s happened… but I’m sorry for leaving you.”

Barney reaches up to press his palm against Gordon’s cheek and he still hasn’t turned to face him because he knows if he does then he’ll never let Gordon go again. “W-Well, I figure it wasn’t your fault,” Barney says, and he shouldn’t relax even more when Gordon turns to kiss his palm, especially because he can’t really feel it through the thick gloves he’s wearing, but he’s leaning against Gordon’s chest all the same. “You’ve gotta go,” he says, but he sounds even less convincing than before.

“You sounded like you weren’t coming with me,” Gordon says softly.

“I can’t,” Barney replies, “it’ll blow my cover. But I’ll meet up with you soon, I promise. I’ll see you at Kleiner’s lab, but you’ve gotta go now or neither of us will live to get there.”

And he’s right too, because there’s suddenly loud knocking on the door. Gordon’s grip on him tightens, and he’s not sure if he’s been startled, if he’s afraid, or if he thinks he’s going to be able to protect Barney, but it doesn’t really matter, because Barney is prying Gordon’s hands off him, something he _never_ thought he’d do, and he’s shoving him into the killing- into the _back_ room. “Get to the plaza,” Barney says, “I’m sure you can find Kleiner’s lab from there.”

He’s already shutting the door, and he just barely hears Gordon say, “I-” before the metal cuts off the rest of the statement, but Barney knows what he was going to say, what he probably did say to the closed door, because Gordon’s always been sentimental like that.

Gordon’s going to get to tell him later, and Barney will get to say it back, and everything’s going to work out one way or another because Gordon’s _here_ now. And, Barney thinks, if you asked him, he could fly.


End file.
